Singleness: Sanctification or Selfishness? Part II
- Daniel Fahringer
- 9 hours ago
- 6 min read
** Note: this is part two of this article. You can read the first part of the article here
Pursuing the Better in Singleness
So how do we pursue the better in singleness? How do we use these precious moments for the glory of God, the blessing of others, and the betterment of our lives? As we consider these questions, I'd like to provide some simple recommendations I have learned from my own life to pursue what is better in singleness.
Recognize you can't do Everything.
One of the trials that occurs in singleness is the paralysis that occurs from multiple available paths due to your state and position in life. The Lord, in His gracious and good providence, blesses with many glorious opportunities to serve Him, your church, your family, and tackle some plans and dreams the Lord has placed upon your heart. These are gracious gifts in our lives to glorify the Lord and be shaped more and more into the image of Christ.
However, these opportunities and available paths of obedience to the Lord can lead to decision paralysis. Speaking from personal experience, I have encountered this reality more times than I can count. This paralysis in making a decision nearly led to Everlasting Rock never being launched, and subsequently, this article would never have been written. Thanks to my dear friend and co-founder, Ethan Carver, who gave the wise words, "Just choose something." Those words sparked Everlasting Rock and ended the decision paralysis I had been experiencing for months.
The opportunities of work, the local church, missions, vacations, and friendships can all easily lead to overthinking for the single person making decisions about the future, the next year, and how they will spend the days of singleness. So many options, yet one clear question: "What should I choose?" My advice and recommendation is to simply choose something that glorifies God. How should that be done? Here are a couple of ideas to get you started.
Seek God's face for help and wisdom in the decision-making process.
Let the Word drive your decision-making and your priorities.
Seek the help of wise leaders and parents.
Pray deeply and thoroughly about the decision you are considering.
Glorify God in the decision you have made, and do not second-guess the decision.
Control your attitude and be thankful for whatever you have chosen.
I trust that these simple steps will help you get started and overcome the rut of decision paralysis. I think of the anonymous poem that Elisabeth Eliot popularized, which says this:
1.From an old English parsonage, down by the sea,
There came in the twilight a message for me.
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
It has, seems to me, God’s teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring,
Like a low inspiration: DO THE NEXT THING.
2. Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt will be quieted here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King.
Trust them with Jesus. DO THE NEXT THING.
3. Do it immediately.
Do it with prayer.
Do it reliantly, casting all care.
Do it with reverence, tracing Christ’s hand.
He placed it before you with earnest command.
Rest on His omnipotence, safe beneath His wing.
Leave all resultings. DO THE NEXT THING.
4. Looking to Jesus, ever serener.
Working or suffering, let this be your demeanor.
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm.
Let the light of Christ’s countenance be your psalm.
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing!
Then, as He commands you, DO THE NEXT THING.
Whatever the Lord has placed before you, make sure it glorifies God, and do it fully to His glory with all the strength and energy He provides. Worship Him with what He has put before you, and do not second-guess His plans and purposes. For His goodness, knowledge, and reign over all things far surpass our deepest thoughts and knowledge of Him.
Repent of your sins.
Singleness is one of the best times in your life to fully devote yourself to the continuing mortification of your sins. We have ample time, energy, and thoughts to dig deeply into Scripture and start repenting of sins and killing them. Often, people have noted the freedom that singleness brings, and the sanctification that will occur through marriage by living near somebody.
However, see your freedom in singleness as ample time to recognize the sin in your life and slay the sin and its patterns. When you recognize those sins, repent of them to the Lord. For He is a forgiving Father, and He will remember those sins no longer. As you repent, seek His help to be self-controlled in all things, from your tongue to your emotions. Learn to exercise self-control, recognize your sin, and repent of your sin now, not when your future spouse brings these matters to your attention.
Rejoice and Rest in His Sovereignty.
Today is the day to rejoice and rest in Sovereignty, not tomorrow, next month, or next year, or when the Lord blesses you with something you desire. Rejoice and worship your Savior for all that He has done for us and for the grace He has bestowed upon us. It can be far easier to complain and covet in this season, but the Lord has called us to rejoice in the day He has given us. We have no valid excuses for not rejoicing today.
"This is the day which Yahweh has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24
As we rejoice, we must rest in His supreme control over all things. Resist the temptation to be anxious about tomorrow and to daydream about the future. Daydreaming can easily lead to faithlessness in the days and years God has given you, because you are coveting something God has not given you.
Learn to quickly stop questioning the work and will of God when you want to doubt Him and criticize what He has done. Cease considering the "what ifs" and the "almosts" that lead you to living in the past and asking, "Why? Rest in the present, and in the seemingly mundane blessings and joys God has bestowed upon you. Rejoice and give thanks for the state and position of your life, as your loving and gracious Father has you right in the center of His will.
Remove all urges to be ungrateful, and stop the urge to complain when your flesh feels tempted and justified to do so. Handle thoughts of dissatisfaction about the plan of God, with prayer and with the Word that corrects and comforts the soul. Be faithful with what the Lord has put before you and do it well to the glory of God. Guard yourself against slothfulness and laziness, which can come upon you quickly like a thief in the night, especially in this season.
Be on guard against the temptation to envy, covet, and complain when the Lord pours blessings upon blessings in your friend's life. Learn to recognize the paths you must avoid that will lead to the inevitable sins of coveting and envy. Train your mind to stop pursuing thoughts that dishonor our sovereign God's plan and His gifts.
Learn to rejoice with fellow saints and praise God for how He has worked in their lives. Kill that grumbling, coveting, and dissatisfied spirit by worshipping the all-knowing, loving, and sovereign God who gives good gifts to His children. Learn to rejoice every day in all circumstances.
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (LSB)
As you rejoice, thank God for the blessings, including what He has given you in the past. Learn to trust and rejoice in His will and plan, even when it wasn't what you hoped or planned. As you look back, remember His grace, and how he worked, and look forward with faith and joy in God, not dependent on a new relationship.
Cease striving and know that He is a good God, who controls every atom in the universe and gives good gifts to His own. Rejoice and rest in the glorious reality of knowing God, and that He is with us in all circumstances, in singleness and marriage.
“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" - Psalm 46:10 (LSB)
***For more on singleness, listen to our episode on Kiss The Son Podcast titled "Is Singleness Good? with Pastor Michael Clary. The link is available below. 👇
Works Cited
Roane, Bob. “Do the next Thing: Elisabeth Elliot.” Words of Hope, 21 June 2024, wohbm.org/do-the-next-thing-elisabeth-elliot/.
Scripture quotations taken from the (LSB®) Legacy Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2021 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Managed in partnership with Three Sixteen Publishing Inc. LSBible.org and 316publishing.com.
