24. Femininity in Singleness

To start the conversation of femininity in singleness, we must talk about God’s worthiness. God is holy. He is perfect, just, and righteous. And as believers, we should be compelled to live wholeheartedly for the One who has delivered us from death to life through trusting alone in the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ, unhindered by any distraction or pursuit.

Herein lies the blessing of singleness: the unhindered, wholehearted devotion to Jesus that other seasons, like marriage, do not provide as easily.

Note I’m not suggesting that once married, your devotion to Jesus becomes secondary to your spouse—that is contrary to what Scripture commands. But I am reiterating what God’s Word says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, that singles are free from anxieties and, instead, anxious only about how to please the Lord.

I’m also not suggesting that if you long for marriage, it is not as godly of a desire as singleness. As a single myself, I pray that one day, the Lord will fulfill that desire, since it is instituted by God and a picture of Christ and His Church, thus bringing Him glory! But my aim in this discussion is to simply point you, dear sisters, to the blessing of displaying Biblical femininity in singleness for the purpose of God’s glory.

Often, we think of femininity in the context of marriage: becoming a keeper of your home, nurturing your own little ones, and cooking meals for your husband. As has been covered before in this blog series, femininity is not to be reduced to those three tasks, but it does often flow out into those avenues of service. But if we look at femininity as just that — servanthood and being a helper — we should be thrilled, then, to realize we can embody femininity whether married or single!

If you are in a season of singleness, I urge you, then, not to look at singleness as a “holding cell” until you get married, but rather, to use it as either a preparation for marriage or to set you on a track of life-long service, whether you get married or not.

So what can this look like practically? I want to suggest three ways we can honor God by displaying Biblical femininity in singleness:

1. Look at who is around you, and serve them.

2. Dress in a way that will serve our purpose and the purpose of those who see us (to glorify God).

3. Live in a way that will set you on a track of lifelong service.

Look at who is around you, and serve them

God has placed you in a community, whether that be your family, or a roommate, etc. Women have a special calling to help and serve, and we can embody the help that the Holy Spirit gives us, as well as the servanthood of Jesus (Philippians 2:1-11), as we look not only to our own needs but to the needs and interests of others and serve them. You may say, “Yes, but I don’t want to serve these people! I want a family of my own and I want to serve them!” I understand the longing, but what makes us think that we will suddenly be eager to serve when we’re finally in a different season when we’ve not begun the practice of daily dying to self in the season that God has sovereignly placed us in? Begin practicing now.

Dress in a way that will serve our purpose and the purpose of those who see us (To Glorify God)

I’m not going to go into the “do’s” and “don’ts” of what to wear or what not to wear because many of us have differing convictions, and that is okay. But in living out Biblical femininity, we have a duty, and that is to wholeheartedly, with an undivided heart, serve and be devoted to Jesus. If we truly are, then our devotion will overflow from our hearts into what we wear.

We would do well to remember that true beauty lies in the heart, that of a gentle and quiet heart (1 Peter 3:4), and that we can “dress ourselves” with the beauty of good works, reflecting the selfless heart of Christ (1 Timothy 2:9-10). If we want to display God’s glory, we can do so by wearing beautiful clothing, reflecting how God has adorned nature with beauty, yet that beauty is always meant to point us back to the infinitely more beautiful Creator. That is what we have the opportunity to do with what we wear. So, sisters, dress humbly and with a heart posture that says, “Will this point those who see me back to my beautiful Creator?”

Live in a way that will set you on a track of lifelong service

Whether single or married, you and I, sister, are called to a life of service. Serving will not become delightful to us once we have a home to ourselves or a family of our own. Serving will only be delightful when we see the One whom we are created to serve and the purpose for which we are serving. Sister, we have the privilege of serving Christ by serving those around us, and that starts now. Is there laundry to be done at your home? Do it without being asked. Is your coworker buried in work while you’ve completed your to-do list? Ask if you can help them with their tasks. Do the dishes need to be done and your roommate still has not done their share? Wash them without expecting a “thank you.”

Jesus came to serve and not to be served, and God gave His only Son—Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God—something that we could never match. And it should be, then, the reality of how Christ has served us by giving His own life for us sinners that propel us into serving. We serve out of gratitude for how Christ has served us. We serve to point those around us to Him and how He has saved us.

Dear sisters, my prayer for you and me is that we would not believe the lie that femininity is only reserved for a certain season of life but instead believe that it can be cherished, practiced, and lived out in singleness for God’s glory and our joy.