28. Masculinity In the Home (1 Peter 3:7-12)

Fatherhood and masculinity are under attack in much of the world today. Unfortunately, sin and its effects have thoroughly destroyed much of the positive reputation of manhood in our world. Through the first man and father, sin spread to all people, including every man, with the only exception being Christ. However, despite sin, 1 Peter 3 gives a biblical antidote to the world's prescription to men, on how men are to lead and love according to the masculine nature that God created and gave them.

Live with Understanding

To live as godly husbands and fathers involves living with understanding and knowledge. Much of our world paints fathers as foolish sluggards who struggle with household responsibilities but can find the couch and the snacks quite well. First Peter 3:7 completely counters the world's portrayal of men.

Husbands are called to live with understanding and knowledge. This verse comes right after instructions for the wife on how they are to honor and submit to their husband. Similarly, husbands are to honor their wives by knowing and understanding them. Both the husband and the wife are to live with knowledge by first knowing who God is and secondly by knowing how God created them, male and female.

To love and live rightly begins first with knowing and being in a relationship with God. Secondly, to love others rightly we must know God's design for men and women. God created and His creation is good, yet we are incredibly illiterate about how God created. We have spent many blogs looking at God's design for men and women so I won't rehearse everything we have covered. Suffice it to say that God created men to take dominion and women are called to assist and help in the creation mandate.

As a result of God's design, men and women are different. God has given more strength to men to exercise dominion and toil on the field. Women, on the other hand, will be weaker in general, as God didn't design them to out-toil the men in the field, but instead to assist and help in the creation mandate through their specific God-ordained ways. This knowledge should guide the household at every level from how we treat each other, and how we should labor, to how we raise children to glorify God through how He created them as male and female.

Men who live with understanding will seek to know God and their wives, from their likes to dislikes and from their needs to their dreams. A man should rightly understand and get to know his wife so that he will better love her, value her God-given design, protect her, and lead her to Christ.

Live with Honor

Men who know their wives and live with understanding will subsequently honor their wives. I think of stories of people who sold household furnishings at a garage sale price to later find out they were more valuable than ever they thought possible. Let that not be said of men in their valuing of their wives.

An excellent wife is more valuable than the pearls and jewels of this world. Her worth cannot be described, yet too often it is cast aside and thrown away by the arrogance and pride of men. Do not let your sin that should have been slain long ago distort her beauty and glory. Men are to honor all people, especially their households, and chief among them are their wives.

Honoring requires surrender, pain, sacrifice, and hardship. It requires being on the alert always, seeking her best interest, and joy as you lead her to Christ. Chivalry is required in honoring, so find those doors to hold, those things to carry, and ways to love her as Christ loved the church. Chivalry is not dead but must be actively sought by men who were created with strength to love and labor for their household. The alternative is detrimental to our spiritual health for our prayers will be hindered.

Live with Humility

Of the callings for men dealt with in this article, this one is far and away the most difficult and contrary to our nature. For because of our sin-stricken, prideful heart, our nature is bent on standing out among men. We want to be the strongest, the most masculine man who can move anything, fix anything, and dominate fellow men in our quest. Let us filter our desires through the Word of God.

In this calling, there is to be this connectedness; a disposition of love that fuels a humble and tender heart. The callous sin of pride must be removed from the heart so that by God's grace of sanctification a humble and tender heart can take seed and grow. If we were to evaluate humility in our lives in a vacuum, we would consider ourselves doing well in that department. But we do not live in a vacuum. In marriage, our pride paints over our humility quite thoroughly without a second coat needed. Sin is much more clearly seen, known, and amplified when we are around others, especially our wife.

As mentioned earlier, your wife is a precious jewel and she will likely be the most priceless gift on earth for your sanctification and sanity. A spirit that is sensitive and submissive to the Word of God will be a catalyst for humility in the heart. Sensitivity and submission to God will lead to a gentle spirit that does not sour at your wife's spirit and encouragement. It will lead to a spirit that correctly sees your strengths and weaknesses in light of Scripture. Humility will be a faithful guide to guard our strengths from becoming a source of boasting, and it will help us to deal with sin as shown in our weaknesses. Faithful wives will be a blessing as we pursue humility, and help us stay sane as we ground ourselves in Scripture.

Live with Intentionality

Husbands, there is a profound calling here that, apart from God's grace and mercy, will be an uphill climb. The calling to live with intentionality involves intentions. What will those intentions be? There are very good and necessary intentions that we must recognize such as seeking to provide and supply for our wives, for the household, and for future generations.

However, let us recognize that good intentions must be rightly ordered and prioritized. The glory of God, and the edification and building up of you and your wife's faith must not be neglected. The teaching of God's Word and discipline must occur in the home and a faithful, thoroughly Biblical church that preaches the Word and disciplines must be a core part of the family.

Intentions must be ordered rightly so that when difficulties come and when sin arises slander will not be slung. Blessing, grace, and forgiveness must occur quickly and swiftly so that sin will be stifled and dealt with. Men, our charge in our homes is to model virtue, not vices, and forgiveness, instead of fretting. Bless your wife, instead of reviling her, forgive instead of suppressing, and be joyful in the Lord instead of being grumpy. Husbands, you direct the tone, temperature, and direction of your household. Set the thermostat correctly by God's grace and quickly and biblically fix it when it's not right. For in it, your wife will be blessed, your children, your church and your community will be blessed and God will be glorified.

Works Cited

Scripture quotations taken from the (LSB®) Legacy Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2021 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Managed in partnership with Three Sixteen Publishing Inc. LSBible.org and 316publishing.com.