15. A Husband Like Christ

Introduction

There is no small amount of controversy when it comes to the roles of men and women in marriage. Pretty much everybody has an opinion on how the home should function. As Christians, we must be careful to answer this Biblically. After all, God's the one who designed marriage so He is the one who decides the marital roles.

While this proposition may seem straightforward in theory when we go to apply it, inconsistencies start to arise. We may affirm male headship in marriage but we do not truly believe it. Why else would we spend so much time apologizing for Paul when we come to passages such as 1 Corinthians 11? We place so much emphasis on the need for men to sacrifice for their wives but place little importance on the need for men to rule their homes. Beloved, we must be careful not to turn men into white knights.

Men are patriarchs - they are the authority over the home and are responsible for all that takes place in the home. God has appointed men to rule, and even if men neglect their obligation, they will still be held accountable for all that happens under their jurisdiction. Men need to obey all that God has commanded them and take up the call as husbands.

A King Like Christ

A husband needs to love his wife. He is supposed to love her like Christ loves His Church. This is something that every church preaches but very few actually understand. This is because modern Evangelicalism does not always know who Jesus Christ is or how He loves His bride. The Jesus of the 21st century sometimes appears as a graven image carved in the image of us. He is nothing more than a nice guy who 'gets us' and washes our feet. The Church has wielded this idol to the spiritual abuse of men.

In some churches, men are told that their strength is a demon that they must bind, that being tough is hurtful to women so men should train themselves to be vulnerable. Heaven forbid a man exercise authority in his marriage, for every decision a man makes he must run by his wife and seek her approval in all matters. These teachings are dangerous and wildly unbiblical because they strip men of all that God designed them to be. Men are taught they need to either give up Christ or give up their masculinity, and unsurprisingly most men would rather ditch Christ than lose their manhood.

Beloved, this thing should not be! Christ is the King and He rules over the Church. God has called men to mirror Christ in their role as husbands. He has made men kings over their homes. Scripture tells us that wives are to be obedient and submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-23, Col. 3:18 1 Peter 3:1-6). Men are the authority of their homes. They are leaders. This is a glorious thing.

At this point, some wives reading this might be troubled by this statement. You might be thinking, "Now my husband gets the boss me around. The home is just whatever he wants it to be." Beloved, this could not be further from the truth. Husbands are called to be kings like Christ is King. Let me ask you, is Christ a tyrant? Most certainly not! Jesus is a good and righteous King, and those under His authority delight in Him. Husbands are to rule the same way. They are to be like King Caspian in the Chronicles of Narnia, who was kind, valiant, and just - they are not to be like Miraz the Usurper, who was a ruthless dictator. Husbands, everything you do is a representation of Christ. Your husbandship is a reflection of the husbandship of Christ. When you treat your wife well, you are saying something about Christ. If you treat her harshly, you are saying something about Christ, you are lying, but you are saying something about Christ.

Lead by Submission to Scripture

Husbands also keep in mind you are not the ultimate authority, your King is Christ.

Christ is your head, O man, to Him you owe your allegiance. This means that Jesus has a say in how you run your house and He has the right to tell you how to love your wife. Christ has spoken in His Word and has given it to husbands as the guide to kingship. Scripture is the binding authority. So a man must lead according to the Word of God and submit himself to Scripture.

Honor Her

This is one of the most misunderstood passages of Scripture. Feminists love to point to this passage to label Scripture as misogynistic. Even many Christians get the false impression that women being the glory of man is less than man being the glory of God. Beloved, this is not the case - women are the glory of their husbands in the same way the glory of the Lord rested on the Tabernacle as a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Woman is the glory of the glory, just like in the Tabernacle there was the holy of holies. Husband, your wife is a jewel created for you. You are the king of your home and she is your crown.

No king despises his crown but honors it because it brings him honor. So husbands honor your wives for they are your glory.

Federal Representation

Because man is the head of the household, he represents the household before God, just as a king represents his nation to the surrounding nations. Husbands, your decisions carry weight and have consequences. You get to decide the path your family takes, whether it is the path of righteousness and life or the path of wickedness and destruction. Think of Adam in the garden, it was not Eve's sin that caused the fall but Adam's (Romans 5:12-13). As the man goes, so the house goes. Men, you must deal with your sin and deal with it quickly. If you are given over to anger, repent and learn patience and self-control. If you are addicted to pornography, repent of your sin and take action to kill it. If you are lazy, repent and get to work. A husband who does not first practice righteousness in his own life cannot hope to lead his wife in it.

The husband is also responsible for the sins of his wife. I am not saying that the husband is guilty of his wife's sin, nor am I saying that the wife has no guilt for her sin. What I am saying is that the husband, even though his soul is not guilty of the sins which his wife commits, is obligated as head of household to bear responsibility for that sin. Let's go back to the king and nation analogy, if one of the king's subjects sets fire to the neighboring country's crops, the king is the one who ultimately bears the responsibility even though he personally did not set fire to the crops. The same is true in marriage. It is the man's job as the authority of the home to ensure the family is righteous, and when there is sin in the home the family is no longer righteous. What the man must then do is confess the sins of his family to God and willingly take the responsibility upon himself.

Jesus, the perfect spotless Lamb, took the sins of His bride upon Himself. Christ federally represented us before God and made atonement on our behalf. We are now as righteous in God's sight because Christ is our righteousness.

This does not mean we husbands can pay for the sins of our wives or credit any righteousness to them. What we as husbands are to do is confess our sins and the sins of our wives to Christ and plead for forgiveness. We must lead our wives in repentance and point them to Jesus who can wash them clean in His blood.

Protection and Leadership

The Lord has entrusted us with the protection of our wives. Your wife is the crown jewel of creation, the glory of the glory, she is valuable so protect her. It is the man who investigates the things that go bump in the night, takes the bullet for her, stays behind to let her take the last lifeboat. Husbands, protect their wives just as Christ protects His Church, even to the point of dying for her.

We must be careful here not to reduce this down to physical protection. While that is most certainly true, there is more to it than just physical sacrifice. Husbands are also to protect their wives emotionally. Women are often more emotional, that is God's natural and good design, so men are to be protective of those emotions.

Men, you need to be gentle towards your wives. Your wife also needs you to be emotionally strong and stable, someone who can carry her through. However there is a difference between emotional firmness and harshness. A husband needs to be able to comfort his wife, sometimes even weep with her, but he must use his tears sparingly. A husband must allow himself to be vulnerable with his wife, but he must maintain self-control. Think of Psalm 23, the rod and staff of the Shepherd is a comfort to the sheep. It is not a rod of iron that beats the sheep down, but at the same time the shepherd's rod must be firm in order to be effective in leading the sheep. This is how a man is to care for his wife's emotions. He is to be gentle and understanding towards her but at the same time he must be firm enough to carry her through.

Spiritual Leadership

A husband is to lead his wife spiritually.

Let me be very clear here, husbands do not have the power to wash and sanctify their wives. Only Christ's blood can cleanse, only the Holy Spirit can do the work of sanctification in a sinner's life. However, this does not mean that husbands have no responsibility in their wives' sanctification.

The federal head is responsible for the spiritual state of his home, firstly that means shielding his wife from the darts of the enemy. Eve was the one who was deceived by the serpent in the garden not Adam (1 Tim 2:14) but Adam bore the guilt for the fall of humanity. Why? Because he was to protect Eve and lead her in truth, but instead he cowardly hid behind her and forced upon her responsibilities she was never supposed to bear. Shield your wife from the enemy.

This also means washing your wife with the Word. Family Scripture reading needs to be normal in your home and be led by husbands. This also means you are responsible for teaching and explaining spiritual truths to your wife.

Paul instructs women to learn from their husbands, which means that you must know the Bible and have a willing heart to teach your wife. This also means if your wife asks you a question you do not know the answer to, you are obligated to seek out an answer for her. This does not mean that wives should not read and search Scripture for themselves, they most certainly should, however husbands are to direct the spiritual path of your wives as the shepherd of your home.

A Charge to Husbands

There is so much more that can be learned about the role of husbands that we do not have time to cover in this article. The charge is this, gentlemen, be a husband like Christ. Be the king of your home, honor your wife who crowns you with glory, bear the responsibility for the sins of your household, protect your wife, and lead her in righteousness and shower her in the Word of God.

Work Cited

New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved