17. Teach Them Diligently

Introduction

Fatherhood is a glorious calling. Solomon tells us in Psalm 127:4-5 that children are arrows in the hand of a warrior and the man who has a quiver full is blessed. Why is the man blessed by a quiver full?

A man with a lot of children is blessed because they stand with him in his fight. His children work alongside him in his mission and carry on the mission. This is a wonderful blessing indeed. However, we must be careful not to assume these blessings will automatically come to us without any work. You will not have a vegetable garden if you do not care for it - without work, it is just a bunch of weeds. Children are arrows in the hand of a warrior. Arrows do not fly on their own; they must be aimed and released by the warrior.

Men, you are the patriarchs of your households. The spiritual well-being in the home is your responsibility, and that includes the spiritual state of your children. Fathers specifically are told to raise their kids to love the Lord (Eph. 6:4). This is something the Lord takes very seriously. The faithfulness of fathers carries weight. Our obedience to God and His law or lack thereof has consequences.

Fathers, we must lead our children in obedience to the Lord and teach them to love Him.

Take Responsibility

While both parents are responsible for training their children, the ultimate responsibility falls on the father. He is the head of the household, he represents the family before God, and is accountable for the spiritual health of the family. A father is the shepherd of his children, just as our Heavenly Father is the shepherd of us.

Dads, you are responsible for how your kids behave. One of the qualifications for an elder or a deacon is to have his children under control (1 Tim 3:4, 1 Tim 3:12, Titus 1:6). A man whose children are rebellious and disobedient is disqualified for holding the office of elder or deacon. Brothers, elders and deacons are our example; even if we do not hold either of these offices, we need to strive for the spiritual qualifications. If our children are rebellious and disobedient, then we have failed as fathers, for we have not raised them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Take responsibility for the spiritual state of your home. Look at the example of Job. Scripture tells us that his children would often feast together. Job responded as follows,

Job regularly confessed to the Lord the sin or potential sins of his children and made atonement. Job understood his position as the federal head of his family and the responsibility he bore. Men of God, we must do the same. We need to be regularly confessing the sins of our children to the Lord, pleading for His forgiveness, and praying for the blood of Christ to cover our homes.

Some may be uncomfortable with the idea of confessing your children's sins so let me further expound; confessing the sin of children is confessing the failure of fatherhood. This does not remove our children's responsibility to personally confess their sins and trust in Christ. But just as the high priest federally represented the nation of Israel and bore their sins, so fathers represent their families and bear the responsibility of the sins of the household. This is a reflection of the great high priest Jesus Christ, who bore the sins of His sheep and made full atonement with His precious blood.

The παιδεία of the Lord

Fathers are tasked with the job of bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The Greek word used here is παιδεία (paideia), which is "the whole training and education of children which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment" (Thayer's Greek Lexicon). A man who raised his children in the paideia of Ephesus was raising them to be Ephesians. The paideia of America is being taught to be American. It is the idea of training children to become something, immersing them in culture, lifestyle, morals, language, etc. Paideia is the education of someone's whole being.

So when God instructs fathers to raise their children in the paideia of the Lord, He is saying to raise your children to be Christian. The whole of their education, every lesson we teach, every Bible verse we have them memorize, every act of discipline, is all for the purpose of training our children to love God.

This training is not just for the major moments, but every single little moment as well. When Moses charged Israel before they entered the promised land, he emphasized the importance to love and obey the Lord and the importance of bringing up the children to do the same. During this exhortation, Moses gives some specific instructions.

At all times we are to teach our kids to love and obey the Lord; from the moment you wake up, to the moment you lie down, to every moment in between. There is never a time when you are not teaching your children something; you're either teaching them to love the Lord or you are teaching them to hate Him. There is no neutrality, whether you're watching TV in your home, doing family Bible reading, attending church, hiking the Appalachian trail, or simply riding in the car, you are teaching your children about the Lord through your words and your actions. Use every moment to teach your children to love the Lord, to obey His law, and to embrace His Gospel.

Mindful of Their Frame

Brothers, it is easy for us to overdo it when raising our children. We are designed as creatures of strength, we must be careful not to push our kids too hard. It would be unrealistic to expect your child to have the Westminster Confession memorized by age three. We need to be mindful of their frame, gently leading them in instruction. Is this not what our Heavenly Father does for us?

We must seek to understand the frame of our children and train them accordingly. This does not mean that we are to never push or challenge our children, the Lord tests all of His children for their strengthening so we ought to do the same. However, there is a difference between giving your child challenges for them to overcome and setting unrealistic expectations. Most six-year-olds would not be able to run a marathon, but they might be able to do a run/walk 5K. When we teach our kids to love the Lord, we must be careful not to make it burdensome. Serving the Lord is a joy, not a chore.

Fathers, we must also remember their frame when it comes to discipline. It is easy to exasperate our kids when we discipline. Discipline needs to be consistent. If discipline is sporadic, the child will be confused and frustrated. Clear consistent discipline is necessary for training.

Discipline must also be done out of love, not irritation. If you have reached your boiling point with the little rascal, you are in no position to discipline. Disciplining out of emotion is damaging; it is self avenging, not seeking the good of the child. The goal for your child is to learn and grow, so be careful not to provoke and hinder them by the manner in which you chastise them.

Parent by Faith

As we take up our callings as fathers, it is vital that we parent by faith. I fear that we doubt that our children will love the Lord. We are quick to say that Proverbs 22:6 is not true for every child but forget the thousands upon thousands of children that have been trained in the way they should go and have not departed from it.

We are called to raise our children to love the Lord, not to point them in the general direction of the Lord and hope they run into Him. When little Timmy says, "Daddy, I love Jesus," how often do we respond, "Are you sure about that, explain the doctrine of justification." Beloved, do you forget that to enter the kingdom of God we must become like a child not the other way around? The kingdom of God belongs to the children (Matthew 19:14, Acts 2:39). I am not suggesting that the way we rear our kids has the power to save them, but it is often the means that God uses to bring the sheep into the fold. God saves sinners in abundance, and He does so by saving entire households. We should see the renegade prodigal as the exception rather than the rule.

Our children are our heritage from the Lord, the man who has a quiver full is blessed and will not be put to shame when he meets his enemy in the square. So fathers need to train up their children in the way they should go, trusting in God to keep them to the end. We are but mere gardeners who have been entrusted with the seed, we are to water and nurture it, but it is ultimately the Lord who causes it to grow and produce fruit.

Works Cited

New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.

THAYER'S GREEK LEXICON, Electronic Database. Copyright © 2002, 2003, 2006, 2011 by Biblesoft, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission. BibleSoft.com